Sacred Church of Frankie (SCofF)

Just wanted to give you all a heads up on what’s been going on with me.

1) I’m alive and recovering, but slowly. Turns out upon thorough examination by a REAL doctor (two even) I had a slight concussion (which has left lumps on my normally shapely dome), I have a sprained neck, back, and left rib cage, and a possible tear in my left shoulder. I have been told it will take 12 weeks for me to feel like I did B.A. (Before Accident) I am currently out of work, and will probably be until Aug 18th where I will then go part-time for several weeks until I can stand to be upright for more than 30 mins at a time.

2) My bike has been totaled. The bike shop estimated $5,000 worth of damage. My bike was $5,100 brand new. So yeah, bye bye baby! :’-( You were a great first bike. I always thought I would keep you, but alas I have the memories.

3) I moved last weekend into an awesome one bedroom apartment in my same complex. It is a sweet pad, and it is beginning to feel like home. It was very hard having my dad and friends move my life, and not be able to do ANYTHING!!! VERY HARD. But, I am slowly figuring out where things are and making it more me. I have some new furniture and 42 inches of beautiful HDTV gloriousness!!! If you are in the neighborhood, you MUST drop by!

4) While my dad was here helping me move, his car was totaled by a drunk driver who hit 4 parked cars out on the main street by my place. Yes, that is two totaled vehicles in one family within one week. You can’t write something like that! Or you can and make a movie, but alas this is reality. It has been interesting dealing with both of these things, while moving, and healing. Phew, I’m tired!

5) Jeffrey has taken to the move, except for his bout of indigestion that has popped up. That’s right, my lovely 13 year old cat has started vomiting every other day. So on top of everything that I have mentioned, I have to deal with a sick cat. Oh yeah, you can’t make this stuff up!

So, that is the latest and greatest with me. Thank you all for the well wishes. I am glad to be alive and definitely have an even greater respect for each minute of my life. Please remember to respect yours!

Yesterday, I received a wake up. The worst kind. After a morning spent listening to a pitch for a non-traditional timeshare (that I actually bought!!!), I was on my way to dyke march in North Park feeling awesome! I had just purchased 5 star resort vacationing for life, and I was feeling pretty damn good. 

So good in fact, that when a car jutted out in front of me that I didn’t panic, but simply tried to do the right things. I downshifted, braked, looked for a way out. Even with my training, I couldn’t avoid what happened next. I ran right into the left front headlight/hood of the car, and went airborne over the handle bars, landing on the ground. It all happened so fast. It was such a weird experience to feel yourself get launched like that. I mean, I wasn’t going more than 35 miles an hour before I started breaking, yet upon impact it felt like I was going 60.

The driver got out to see if I was ok. I felt ok, minus some pain in my upper left thigh. I took off all my gear: gloves, helmet, motorcycle jacket. I look at my bike, which was now under the car, and managed to reach over and turn it off so as not to have a running engine. I stood up and was immediately told by a woman on the phone with the paramedics to sit down. She passed me the phone and the emergency response person asked me questions. I was conscious but disoriented. I knew what had happened, but I was definitely in shock.

Shortly after this, while still on the phone, the police arrived, and started asking me questions. I could respond but all I kept feeling was the pain in my leg. A fire truck arrived, and then an ambulance. As the police were interviewing the driver and witnesses, I managed to overhear that the driver had a suspended license but seemed to have insurance. Thank god!

At this point the paramedics got to me, and asked me if I could walk. I thought I could so I hobbled my way to the ambulance. In the ambulance, I started getting dizzy. I also started smelling an intense gas smell. After investigation, the gas smell was coming from my pants and my bag that I had had on my back. Apparently I had been sitting in gasoline the whole time I was on the floor. Now the presence of the fire truck made more sense. I could have caught on fire. Any spark from the car or my bike, and I could have been on fire!!!

I was taken to the hospital where I spent 5 hours waiting to be told that I was just banged up and that I needed to take it easy for awhile. Thanks docs, I could have told you that. But, at least I know I am ok. I was told I was very lucky. Because I was wearing all my gear: boots, long jeans, leather armored jacket, helmet and gloves, I left without a scratch on me. Lots of bumps and bruises but not a scratch. 

So, my wake up call is this: Have fun, enjoy life, but never forget your safety gear! In the last few months, I had started riding around my neighborhood with only shorts and a t-shirt since it was so hot out. But now, when my poor bike either gets fixed or replaced, all gear will be worn all the time. It saved my life and I won’t forget that!

I have been traveling alot recently and have had the opportunity to observe the way that lesbians and bisexual women interact with each other across the US.  

Personally, I have always been attracted to bisexual women.  Not intentionally, but it just seems to work out that way.  Although these women have the bisexual identity in common, in regards to physical appearance there are not too many similarities.  I am attracted to more boyish or androgynous women.  Given what some people would call my butch gender expression, many people are suprised by this.  Someone “like me” should be attracted to more femimine women.  You know, like I am the man, and I should want a woman.  This sentiment never fails to baffle me or make me think that somehow we are stuck in the 1950s.

However, as I have traveled across the States as well as the world, I still see these types of interactions.  Although, I have also seen the complete opposite as well.  The following is my observations of gender roles among women who like women in various areas of the country:

• Boston, MA (Beantown)-  Three words: Free. For. All.  Butch, femme, andro, gender queer, trans, trendy, hippy, you name it.  Women love women, in whatever form they come in.  I have seen all types of couplings (and tris, and quads…) in Boston.  It was quite nice to see people just wanting to be with each other and not caring too much about typical gender roles.
• New Orleans, LA (NOLA) - Very traditional.  I went out several times and saw the typical very feminine woman with a butch (or butch expressing) woman.  It was very interesting to me.  I had not been in that type of enviroment since my college days in Indiana.  While I was in NOLA,  I attended their pride festival.  I saw a little bit more gender diversity here, but there was still a heavy influence of butch/femme.  Also of interest was the sort of lack of visibilty of the trans community.  I met a few people, but they did not seem as part of the main stream as other places I have visited/lived.
• South Bend, IN (SB) - Traditional.  Definitely butch/femme dynamic.   Despite the fact that there are several universities in the area, the women loving women community in SB is still of the older generation.  I think this plays a large part to the gender role dynamic that exists.  However, even within the university context (at least when I was there) the butch/femme dynamic was still in play.
• Los Angeles, CA (LAX) - Varied.  LAX is huge geographically.  Therefore, there is a lot of variety within the community.  I have found that in West Hollywood (WeHo), it’s all about fashion.  Butch/femme is not necessarily the dynamic, although it exists.  The dynamic that I find prevalent here is trendy.  Even the “butch” women are wearing $500 sunglasses.  However, as you move east, north, and south, more traditional pairings can be found.  There is a visible trans community, but it still seems kind of on the fringe in regards to the women loving women community.
• San Diego, CA (SD) - Like LAX, it is a variable scene, however, not as large.  In some ways, SD reminds me of Boston in that you will find all kinds of women anywhere you go.  And the couplings (triplings, quadilings, etc) cover the gamit. 

So what is the conclusion?  I definitely think that gender roles are more losely associated on the coasts.  This is generally the trend with all other things, so why would it be a surprise that gender roles would be any different.  However, I really do hope to see all part of the country embrace more liberal interpretations of gender and the roles that we each play within our society. 

As you all should know, Tim Russert died a week ago.  Many people called me or emailed me as they know that I had a personal interaction with him that effected me greatly.  (If you don’t know what I am talking about, read here.)  Although Mr. Russert made some comments that provoked me, I have always and will always respect him.  It was a very sad day for me when I heard of his passing.  The world lost a juggernaut of a man.  A force that brought attention to many things that needed it and as a result produced change.  Tim Russert, rest in peace, my muse…. 

Ok, so I know I have been MIA. I apologize. I was unexpectedly sent out of the country for a few weeks for work and then began a traveling blitz that is still continuing. It has been an extremely busy time and only now do I have a few moments to catch you all up on my nuggets of truth.  Over two months ago, I joined several of my co-workers for an after work event in which we all constructed our vision maps. A vision map is essentially a visual representation of where you see yourself in 5, 10, 15 years. The purpose is to have a tangible, visual representation of your dreams and desires, thus making them more attainable.  Well, I added all these travel pictures, and well, it came true!  I added lots of other things to my vision map as well, and those are slowly manifesting as time goes on.  It just goes to show that you truly can manifest whatever your heart wants.  So dream big, and do not let anyone or anything hold you back! 

It seems like just when you think you have everything figured out and things are starting to go your way, something or another always blindsides you to throw everything off track.

It happens to the best of us.  An injury, a loved one’s illness or passing, a career change, a break-up, a natural disaster - ANYTHING!!!!

 The best advice I can give at this time is …. SUCK IT THE FLUCK UP!!!!  9 times out of 10, your problem has a simple solution; you just have to push yourself up to the challenge and get it done.  If it is that one time where things are the worst they can possibly be, the worst thing to do is to saunter through life with the “Woe is Me!!” attitude, cause it gets you nowhere.  Of course, allow yourself a short time to wallow, but then get right back up.  Sadly, the world doesn’t stop to wait for you.  On the other hand, do you really want to sit around just to watch the parade pass you by?

The spirits that be would never send you something you cannot handle, so rise victorious against the trials and tribulations thrown at you.  This the SCofF, for Frankie’s sake!!!

Live life, bask in the love of those who surround you, and always remember that no matter how solitarily treacherous your path may seem, you are never walking alone.  Someone is either with you, has survived before you, or is waiting for your guidance once you make it.

SCofF RULES!!!!!

(look at the bright side: summer is just around the corner, and …. SIX more months til my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving! Mmm.)

In many of my recent posts, I have spoken about looking within ourselves to find truth. This has been a reoccurring theme for me over the past few years, but particularly in the last few months. I think it is important to stress the importance of self-reflection. It is very easy to get caught up in life. In other words, it is easy to live life in a state of reaction, instead of a state of action.

Being in the sciences, we learn from physics, that for every action there is a reaction.  For every cause, an effect.  However, physics, and science as a whole, does not delve into the importance of being proactive.  That is, being the instigator of our own reactions.  We are the only ones who can find what is true for ourselves.  We should not wait to be told who and what we are.  We are the makers of our own destinies.

So I challenge all who read this, to look within yourself, identify your truth, and go forth and prosper!

As I completed one of the previous posts, I was reminded by friends that you cannot really discuss patience/frustration and not speak about anger. Anger and frustration usually go hand in hand, stemming from everyone’s struggle with patience. As I have written about before, it is important to allow yourself to feel your emotions fully. However, it is important not to get lost in the emotions. I believe in full immersion in your feelings while simultaneously looking within yourself to find the source of that feeling.

I believe that the source of most anger is inadequacy. When one feels inadequate, then one usually becomes frustrated. This frustration usually then leads to impatience. And finally, this impatience leads to anger. So in essence, the root cause of anger is the insecurity that humans have within themselves.

Therefore, the key to eliminating anger from the world is to embrace our own insecurities and reassure ourselves that we are worthy of joy, happiness, and love. Each human being brings value to the world. We are all valuable and should be valued. Until each and every one of us is able to truly believe that we will continue to express our insecurities through anger towards others.

I heard a wonderful quote the other day that went something like this, “Anger shows up to give us strength.” I agree with this quote to the degree that if we are angry, we need to have strength over those pesky insecurities that keep plaguing us. The anger shows up to give us strength and permission to face our fears head on and conquer them!

I am talking about the inherent sexism and racism that is still so much ingrained in our society.  As MPF, I like to keep tabs on what is going in the political arena during this oh so important election year.  I have been bothered by both the coverage and portrayal of both Clinton and Obama in the media.  As I am sure most of you are, I am sick of hearing about our possible first female or black president.  But, it was not until I read this Op Ed by Gloria Steinem that the reason my uneasiness about the whole media coverage really hit home.   

Firstly, there is still sooo much sexism in this country.  Clinton is such a polarized person: People love to hate her.  However, the reasons that are presented are usually things that we would honor a man for doing.  I have heard the following reason for dislike toward Clinton many times: “I don’t like the way she planned out how she was going to be president.  She has wanted it for so long and has done anything to get there. ”  Excuse me, but since when do Americans criticize a person for going after their dreams.  Since when is it a bad thing to set a goal and work hard to get there.  Oh right, since the person we are speaking of is a woman.  Women are not suppose to do whatever it takes to achieve their hopes and dreams.  That kind of American dream only exists for men.  Sorry, my bad.  How dare we women have similar or high aspirations out of life than men?  How dare we take a proactive approach and go after what we want?

 Secondly, there is still sooo much racism in this country.  Last time I checked, Obama was multiracial; that is half white and half African with a other sprinkles of ethnicities.  So why is it that Mr. Obama would be our first black president??  Last time I checked, we were no longer abiding by the one drop rule.  However, everyday I hear in some form of media about the possibility of a black president.  As a multiracial person, I find that identifying as white, black, hispanic, or any one definitive race, leaves out very important parts of my whole self.  The media identifying Obama as black completely eliminates the white American mother who raised him.  Is that right?  Should we instead call Mr. Obama our first African president?  Or our first white president with a darker tan?  Why can Obama not just be our first president to have only served in the Senate for less than one term?

Regardless of who receives the Democratic nomination and hopefully wins the November election, I think Clinton and Obama have proved to this country just how far we have yet to go in regards to gender, sex, and race.  Universe forbid we move past these old tired subjects and tackle real issues like poverty, education, the environment, health care, and oh yeah that little thing called the War on Terror.

For the last several weeks, I have been speaking about working through the hard times, and trying to find the lessons in them.  It is not a trivial task, but it can be done.  I am happy to report that I finally have had some good news, and can comment on uplifting things this week!

This week, I  was finally able to feel the lifting of some of the intense fog that has been surrounding me.   My leadership skills were recognized by my company!  I was selected to be a part of a very influential team that helps the entire business become aligned.  This alignment is meant to be for all employees to understand the culture of the organization.  Culture meaning personal, financial, philisophical; the works.  It is a privledge and it feels amazing to have my upper, upper management realize my potential.

With this assignment, I will not only get to affect change locally, but across the company.  I can challenge people to really evaluate things that need to be done in my organization.  My sphere of influence just became a little bigger.

Now, I know some of you may be thinking that all this sounds like one big power trip.  And, it is understandable how it would come across that way.  In reality, this is an opportunity to serve my community, both in my career and in my personal life.  I can give a voice to people that normally would not have access to the types of leaders I will be meeting with.  I can show a different face of change to people, and at the same time allow for my own personal growth along the way.   This experience will change me, that is guaranteed!  It is up to me as to what that change manifests into. 

That brings me to what I really wanted this post to be about, and that is patience and change.   Patience is a virtue that many of us have trouble with, and this is usually because it involves waiting for change.  We look at change as something that instantaneously happens.   One second, things are a certain way, and POOF! the next everything is different.  The truth is that this type of change happens about 1% of the time. 

In reality, change happens every second, but very incrementally.  We are constantly changing.  Everything around us is in a constant state of change.  The more we realize this, the more we can appreciate that things are in fact changing.  We can start to see the improvements happening in our lives.  We can see the interaction of all the little things we do and how they lead to that change we are waiting for.  We can see progress. 

In fact, deep down, all we ever want to know is that what we are doing in our lives is having an impact in the world.  We want to feel valuable.  Once we embrace that our lives are instituting small change every breath we take, we can feel that value and realize that patience is really not as hard as we thought!